We were planning to break into the museum. But we caught wind of another robbery that would take place on the same night. That was not on. This was our patch. So we decided to stop them.
It also happened to be the day I moved home. Yay! But I didn’t get the chance to take all of my possessions to the new house before the robbery took place… so I brought it all with us.
We got inside without a hitch, inside a giant crate full of my belongings, all Trojan horse style. They thought it was full of new exhibits. Hah. Well, if they thought my underwear was important enough to show the world then so be it.
That was when we saw them; three women in highly provocative clothing – one was dressed as a Playboy bunny – all walking seductively up the museum stairs. The security guards certainly enjoyed the view. They were mesmerised.
I snuck up behind them, grabbed the last one by the back of their dress, and just about managed to stop them from sneezing by grabbing their nose. I pushed them towards the giant crate, and once inside I realised this person was wearing my dress. My lovely white summer dress… and it was stretched beyond repair because this was no ordinary woman.
This was a man. A big, sweaty, hairy man, grinning broadly, wearing my dress. Bastard. I hit him with my bag until he took the dress off and put it back in my clothes pile. The diamond these guys had been stealing was within the pocket of the dress; a tiny little thing worth millions, so I hid it in the drawer of my bedside table.
I heard movement from outside. I jumped in the wardrobe, just as a museum guard walked past. He would’ve gone straight past me too, if it wasn’t for his OCD. He saw that the wardrobe door was open, and before I could close it, he saw my finger poking through the hole.
He grabbed me by the hair and threw me on the floor. My accomplices were also caught and tortured, but none were tortured as much as me. Somehow, these men had been informed. They knew I couldn’t die. So they tortured me to the brink of death and left me there. I blacked out.
When I awoke, I awoke in my new home. I was surrounded by my belongings which had already been unpacked. We were also surrounded by huge piles of money. I asked how we got away with it, and everyone just smiled. I was both physically and mentally exhausted, so I just shrugged and went back to sleep.